Sam VS Shaman King
by PandaYumi7
Summary: Host of the New Tonight Show, Sam, is out to give reviews to the Shaman King gang! But will she survive the chaos, the jealousy, and the randomness! Sam: Randomness is my game and you are here to read and play! Morty: What kind of rhyme was that?
1. The New Tonight Show

Disclaimer: I don't know Shaman King.

Sam: Welcome one and all, to the new Tonight Show! As you all know Jay Leno is going to retire, and I will be filling in for him for now. So lets begin! LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!!

--Silence… more silence… hey! A cricket!--

Morty: Umm… Sam? No ones here. Maybe we should just-

Sam: QUIT? It's that what you were going to say? **QUIT**! **NEVER!** I have to think of something, but thinking hurts! –thinks anyway-

Morty: Don't hurt yourself Sam. You've just started working and don't want to go to the hospital on your first day. Sam? Are you listening to me?!

Sam: -loafing around- I'm DIZZY! Morty help! Whee!

Morty: -sweat drops- _Great! Fired on the first day… and we're not even getting screen time! Argh!_

Sam: -light bulb- I know! How about we have each of the Shaman King characters on our show?

Morty: It sounds good, but will they agree?

Sam: Hehehe! I have my ways. –evil smirk-

Morty: O.O This'll be good!

--At the Shaman King's house…--

Sam: PLEASE!! I beg of you! Be on my show!! –on knees-

Morty: -anime drop- You said you had it covered!

Sam: I lied! Anyways! PLEASE ANNA! PRETTY—

Anna: Ok.

Sam: I'LL- what? You will? THANK YOU!!

Anna: Baka.

Morty: Is the shame over yet?!

Sam: YEP! And I go them to join too! GO ME GO!

Morty: O.O Really? All of them?!

Sam: Well no… but I know Anna will force them.

Morty: Women are scary…

Sam: Wimp.

How's that? Pretty good? I hope you enjoyed it! And please vote! Who should be on the show first? REVIEW! JA NE!


	2. A St Patty's Day with Jaco

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King!!

Italics means thinking 

Sam: Welcome ladies and bugs to the second episode of the Tonight Show! Which I think I will rename later on! Anyway today is St. Patrick's Day and I would like to celebrate it! So I had the whole crew dress up in green! Check out!

Morty: Why am I in a leprechaun suit? And why are you dressed up as PETER PAN?!

Peter Sam: Because it's green duh! _Baka! He's just jealous! _Anyway, now that that's done, time to introduce our guest give a big hand for the one, the only… JACO MC-

Jaco: McDonald's! (comes out wearing a four leaf clover)

--Silence…--

Pilika: HAHAHA! I so get it! Don't you guys get it? HAHAHA!

Peter Sam: (sweatdrops) O, k. Lets start shall we?

Clover Jaco: Ok! I have some great jokes to tell! Wanna hear them?

Peter Sam: Well, St. Patty's Day is a lucky day. So, I guess. Why not?

Leprechaun Morty: _Yeah! A lucky day in **hell!!**_

Clover Jaco: OK! Why did the chicken have so many clovers attached to its body when it crossed the road?

Peter Sam: So it could get to the other side. _That's the oldest joke in the book!_

Clover Jaco: Nope! So sham**rocks** wouldn't hit it! Get it?

--More silence… hey! It's Mr. Cricket again! HI! –

Leprechaun Morty: That was so—

Pilika: FUNNY! HAHAHAHA!!!

Peter Sam: You think everything's funny!

Pilika: Nah uh!

Peter Sam: Pudding!

Pilika: ……………………… (snickers)

Peter Sam: Umm…. YOUR FACE!!

Pilika: ……. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (dies laughing)

Leprechaun Morty: O.O (sweatdrops) Oh brother! This show is cracked up!

Clover Jaco: I don't get it. (confused)

Peter Sam: It's ok Jaco; we all know now what's wrong with you. (pats Jaco's shoulder)

Clover Jaco: Huh? What are you talking about? WHAT'S WRONG?!

Leprechaun Morty: YOU'RE NOT FUNNY! THAT'S THE PROBLEM!! (pissed)

Peter Sam: Jeez Morty, for a Leprechaun you sure have a temper! Watch it! You might turn red and blow up like a little volcano. But instead of lava coming out little peeps will be flying out! Screaming: "I'M NOT SHORT!! I GREW AT LEAST 3 CM THIS YEAR!!"

Leprechaun Morty: O.O What's is with you and being random? Why am I here again? This show is messed up and I don't even get paid!!

Peter Sam: HEY! At least we get to wear these cool outfits!

Leprechaun Morty: I'm a freaking LEPRECHAUN! AND YOUR PETER PAN… IN TIGHTS!

Peter Sam: What? I thought these tights looked good on me.

Sam's fan club: WE LUV IT SAM!! KEEP IT UP!!

Peter Sam: Whoa! I have fans already… cool…

Clover Jaco: Wanna hear another joke? Ok! Here's how it goes—

Leprechaun Morty: (duck tapes his mouth) Thank God!

Peter Sam: We have a lot to be thankful for. But the most important thing is duck tape. Remember kids, DUCK TAPE IS A HOLY WEAPON!! _But it can also kill you so…_Umm… don't play with it though!

Leprechaun Morty: (sign) I need an agent.

Clover Jaco: OO! What did the agent do to the leprechaun named Morty?

Peter Sam: I don't know. What?

Clover Jaco: Gave him a crack job! Get it? This show is crack!

Peter Sam: (DANGER) What. Did. You… say?

Leprechaun Morty: Now I know why I work here! Uh oh… um… ladies and gentleman please collect your belongings, and RUN THE HELL AWAY!!

--Everyone's outside then all of a sudden… wait for it—**KABOOM!!—**there you go!--

Clover Jaco: X.X Ouch… (faints)

Peter Sam: Take that you King of Gagging Jokes basturd!

Pilika: (wakes up) What happened? And why is my hair all crispy?

Peter Sam: Today was a dark day… but then again it turned out ok.

Leprechaun Morty: OK? You blow up the studio!

Peter Sam: Huh? (looks) Shit… huh! We'll just have to fix it!

Leprechaun Morty: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "WE"?

Pilika: It means everyone duh!

Peter Sam: Nice hair! Did you do something to it?

Pilika: Thanks! I just woke up and it turned all brown.

Clover Jaco: You should totally keep the look! (girly)

Peter Sam&Pilika: 0.0 (stare)

--Awkward…--

Peter Sam: Hope you enjoyed the show! Please tune in next time! NOW! Lets get to work! Midget, take it away!

Leprechaun Morty: JA NE!


	3. A cat, a mouse, and a cow?

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King! (Morty: Thank GOD!)

Sam: Welcome back poodles and shepherds to the new Tonight Show! I am your host S—

Kaffblack: (in the audience) SAM!! WHOOP WHOOP!

Ghost Lilly: (next to Kaffblack) YEAH! What she said!

Morty: Fans already? And one of them is a ghost? O.O Ok...

Sam: Hehehe! Today midget and I will be dressing up again! Check it out!

Morty: WTF?! Why am I a mouse? And why are you a cat?

Tom Sam: I'm Tom and your Jerry! Your shorter and I'm taller. DUH! You're just jealous!

Jerry Morty: Why would I be jealous of a Peter Pan Cat that wears **tights**?!

Tom Sam: HEY! You know those tights looked **smexy** on me! So don't be like that!

Jerry Morty: O.O I have been scared for life. Hold me! (holds some cheese)

Tom Sam: SHUT UP! Now to introduce my guest, please come on out! LEN TAO!! (clap clap)

Len: (no where to be seen)

Tom Sam: AWW! Little Lenny is scared! Lets hear it for, LEN—

Len: DON'T CALL ME LENNY!! (comes out wearing a cow suit)

Tom Sam: O.O Ladies, gentleman, and ghosts… LEN TAO IS WEARING MY COW COSTUME!!! KYAA!

Jerry Morty: O.O Why'd you do it Len? I thought you were able to stand up to her! WH—why **are** **you **in **her **costume? O.O

Lenny Cow (hehe cow rhymes with Tao): ……

Tom Sam: O.O… pervert.

Lenny Cow: NO I AM—

Ghost Lily: NO HE'S NOT! YOU LOOK SMEXY LENNY! I LOVE YOU! (hearts in eyes. Yeah, I know you like him… I think)

Tom Sam: HEY! That's my word… that's my costume… I'M THE SMEXY ONE!! (ROAR)

Lenny Cow: O.O What the hell?

Jerry Morty: Don't ask **please don't ask!**

Tom Sam: (snickers) Hey Len, got milk?

Jerry Morty: O.O Where'd that—

Lenny Cow: Curiosity killed the cat. (glaring)

Tom Sam: Touché…

--Silence… more silence… HI MR. CRICKET!—

Jerry Morty&Audience: (snoring) ZZZZZ…

Lenny Cow: (staring)

Tom Sam: (staring)… AAAAAHHH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!! (sob)

Jerry Morty&Audience: O.O WAH! What happen—WHAT THE HELL **WERE** YOU GUYS DOING?!

Lenny Cow: We were having a staring contest to see who would snap. And of course! The loud mouth here lost.

Tom Sam: HEY! That's the **smexy** loud mouth to you!

Lenny Cow: What's with you and being smexy? Is that even a word?!

Tom Sam: To me it is! And your just jealous you can't have me! I'm too—

Lenny Cow: You're too good for me?! HA! You got me there for a second! And don't you dare say smexy again. (glares)

Jerry Morty: Then why are you wearing her clothes?

Audience: YEAH!

Tom Sam: YEAH! How come?

Lenny Cow: …….

Jerry Morty: O.O…

Audience: O.O…

Mr. Cricket: O.O…

Tom Sam: O.O… Shit…

--AWKWARD…--

Lenny Cow: (blushes) Shut up! It's none of your business! And how do you even know if it's yours?!

Tom Sam: It has my name on the head tag. (shows the peeps the tag while gentling brushing her hand against Len's forehead… and their faces were close too!)

Sam's Fan Club: KAWAII!! They're so close! I'm going to faint! (faints anyway. Think of the girls that are on the host club… are you getting it yet?!)

Tom Sam: Huh? What's their deal? (looks at Len) What are you staring at?

Lenny Cow: (was staring) SHUT UP! I wasn't staring! I was—

Jerry Morty: He was gazing!

Lenny Cow: Ye—what?! No I wasn't! KISAMA! (starts to chase Morty around)

Audience: JERRY! JERRY! (get it? Jerry the mouse and Jerry Springer? Hahahaha… ok never mind)

Tom Sam: Well, that's all we have for today! Please tune in next episode where the viewers (THAT'S YOU!) will be asking our guest, Len Tao, questions! That's right! YOU MY REVIEWERS WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS! SEE YA LATER! NYA!

Jerry Morty: SAVE ME!! Oh yeah, JA NE!

Lenny Cow: KISAMA! You will never work in this town again!

Tom Sam: YO LENNY! I want my suit back! GET BACK HERE!

Lenny Cow: (blushes) STOP CALLING ME LENNY!

Audience&Mr. Cricket: … Len likes her. BYE!! I'M ON TV!! WHEE! HI!! WORD!!

Sam's Fan Club: (singing) LOVE! SWEET LOVE!

* * *

Hope that wasn't too boring... do you guys really think I should continue this story? Hmm... well, I NEED OPINIONS! What questions should I ask Lenny? And did you get the part with the screaming girls?! It was like the host club girls with their insane screaming I mean like HOLY SHIT!! O.O... anyway, ahem, REVIEW!! JERRY! JERRY! 


	4. The Interview Gone Wild!

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King!

* * *

Sam: Welcome back pom poms and jocks to the new Tonight Show! I am your cracked up host, Sam, and today we are actually going have interview! (WOW!) 

Morty: O.O Are you serious? Was there a full moon last night or something?

Sam: (hollowing) AWROO! What did you say?

Len: (slaps his forehead) Can we get this interview over with? TT

Sam: OK! But before we begin it's…. MAIL TIME!!

Morty: Oh no.

Len: Mail Time?

Sam: Yes! Mail Time! It's where I take some of my reviews and answer them duh! Ok, here's the first one from: **momijikk**.

Dear Sam,

Poor Master Ren...he was put in a cow suit...haha, I'm sorry...I can't stop laughing... well, count me another one of your fans! (I guess...) and you are using the dub names...heh, those names are so wired...it's Ren, not Len (Renny...kun!), and it's Manta and Chocolove for Morty and Jaco. Hee, names are fun! (please don't use Trey! It's Horo!!)  
-momijikk  
(ps- randomness!! wewt!!)

Sam: Well, momijikk the reason for using the dub names is because they are funny. And I wanted to make this a comedy fic so sorry if I didn't use the names you like… I'M NOT WORTHY OF YOUR REVIEWS!! (begs)

Morty: Again with the shame! This is embarrassing. (hides in a corner)

Len: _Can I leave…now?!_

Sam: Here's a letter from: **Lillythemarshmellowqueen**

Dear Sam,

Hahaha! I wanna be normal Lilly now maybe a bunny! But normal... heehe im alive! N that was so funny! Pleez continue to update!! Kk?  
YaY!

Sam: (sniff) Thanks Lilly-chan! Here we go! HOCUS POCUS! BOOM! WHEE! I LUV SODA!! (fireworks)

Morty: Don't blow up the studio again!

BunnyLilly: Hi everyone! I LUV MARSHMELLOWS!

Sam: (evil scientist) It's ALIVE!! MWHAHAHAHA!

Morty: O.O WTF?!

Sam: (back to normal clothes) Here's one from: **PANDAYUMI7**?! WTH?!

Dear Sam,

Sam: My story sucks  
Jerry Cow: Yea it sucks so bad I'm reporting it for account abuse  
Lenny Cow: Me to script format is not allowed here!

Sam: (fire burning in eyes) What the heck is going…?

Morty: (nervous) S-sam? Please c-calm down.

Len: It's probably that damn imposter again.

Audience: OoO (GASPS!) What are you going to do?!

Sam: Hehehe… (snickers)

Morty: Sam?

Len: I think she's lost it.

Sam: The imposter is so wrong! First off! I LUV MY STORY! Second, it was Jerry Morty not Jerry Cow! DUR! Third, script format **rocks**! And final, if I didn't like my own story I would've deleted it. I think the imposter is jealous that it can't write a great story like this! And if the imposter doesn't like my story… why did they read 3 chapters just to say is sucks?! That's kinda stupid ya know!

Len: It is a waste of time. Speaking of time, can we get this interview over with?!

Sam: Oh yeah… OK! I'll read more letters later on!

Morty: How about **never**?

Sam: (whacks him with trusty bat) Now, lets begin the interview! I will be asking Lenny here questions from few from the audience and myself!

Len's Fan Club: AAAH! LENNY!! WE LUV YOU!!

Len: Anyone but them. (glares) Did you just call me Lenny?

Sam: Umm… let us begin! Lets see, I pick… CrYsTaLxAnGeL (CxA) first.

CxA: Hi Sam! Ok Lenny, listen up—

Len: (glares) Stop calling me LENNY!

Sam: I have to go to the bathroom! Be right back! (walks out)

CxA: M-y bad. So Len, now that Sam is out of the room… do you have a really secret HUGE BIG HUMUNGOUS SMEXY HOT crush on SAMY?

Len: (blushes) W-what kind of question is that? I, Tao Len, refuse to answer that question!

CxA: Hehehe, you don't have to. I already see.

Len: (stares) What do you mean?

CxA: You 'accordingly' wearing **Sam's** cow costume.

Len: (red) IT'S NOT—

Sam: HI GUYS! ME IS BACK! Huh? Why are you all red Len? Did you wet yourself or something?

Len: S-SHUT UP! I DID NOT WET MYSELF!

Sam: Since I was gone and didn't get to hear CxA's question, she gets to ask another one!

Len: NO!

CxA: Yes, MWHAHAHAHA!

Morty: O.O She reminds me of you Sam.

Sam: (sniff) I'm so proud of her. (dramatic)

Morty: GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!

CxA: I wanna ask you if you wear pink jammies. Hope Sam can answer that!

Len: Why are you asking her?! It's not like we sleep together! PINK?!

Sam: (surprised) YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH ME?! IN PINK PAJAMMIES!?

Len: NO! AND I **DO NOT WEAR PINK PAJAMAS!! **(hair starts growing tall)

JungleGirl2010: (in the audience) I have a question. Does Len ever pierce something with his pointy hair?

Len: What, did, you ask? (EVIL)

Morty: L-len? Please calm—

Sam: She asked if you ever stab anyone with your hair! (megaphone!)

Morty: O.O Sam! Don't provoke the hair—I mean LEN!

Len: I heard her you idiot! And yes I have stabbed someone! Remember episode 19/20 when I was fighting Yoh in the second tournament? When Yoh was being a baka I stab him with my **HAIR OF POINTY NESS**!

Audience: O.O…

Sam: O.O…

Morty: O.O…

Len's Fan Club: O.O…

Mr. Cricket: O.O…

------ WHOO!!!-----

Morty: That… was… different. Heh heh.

Sam: Yeah… and peeps say I'm weird?

Cmichaell38: Umm… I have a question for Len.

Len: (glares) What is it now?

Cmichaell38: Umm… uhh… (scared)

Sam: HEY! (pulls on his 'hair of pointy ness') You could be a little nicer ya know!

Len: OW! Let go of my hair before I stab you! (their faces were close again)

CxA: OOOH! LOVE! SWEET LOVE! (singing)

Kaffblack: You two are acting like an old married couple! (KYA!)

xXx Luna-chan xXx: NOOO!! Len is mine! (sniff)

Len's Fan Club: YOUR'S?! HE'S OURS!! (ROAR!)

Sam: What the hell are they talking about? (faces are **still** close)

Len: (blushes and steps away) THEY'RE ALL BAKAS! DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!

All the Girls: (glares… then cries) LENNY!! WE—

Len: (glares) My name is not Lenny! I AM THE GREAT TAO **LEN**!! (spot lights)

Sam: Show off!

Morty: Some interview!

Sam: Shut up Morty! Or should I say…

Audience&Mr. Cricket: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Len's Fan Club: ROAR!!

Sam: AAH! CAT FIGHT!! RUN FOR YOUR SHORT PATHEIC LIVES! Wait, that's just Morty, nevermine peeps!

Morty: HEY! At least I don't have a pointy-head of pointy ness, and have a crush on you! O.O Opps!

Len: KISAMA!! (takes Kwan Dao and chases Morty) I DON'T LIKE SAM!

Trey: (in the audience observing) Then why are you all red, and let her call you Lenny? Huh, **Lenny**?

Len: (blushes) S-shut up! Ainu baka! I'll kill you! (turns around to see Sam working on something) What are you working on in this madness Sam?!

Trey: (whispers) Maybe a love note to you. (snickers)

Len: (smirks) Why? You jealous?

Trey: W-what?! (goes red of anger? Or blushing?)Why would--

Sam: IT'S FINISHED! THE SUPER ULTRA MEGAPHONE HAS BEEN FORMED!! (shows off a regular megaphone)

------Silence… Everyone who was fighting stopped to stare… Mr. Cricket is even quiet… O.O-----

Morty: Umm… Sam. There's nothing different. It looks exactly the same--!

Sam: SHUSH! If your not careful you could accidentally speak into it and make everything go boom!

Len: (sweatdrops) Are you serious? There's no way that's true.

Sam: It's true! I may be stupid, but when it counts I AM A GENIS!

Trey: (sweatdrops) Let me see it.

Sam: (hands him the megaphone) Be careful though! One yell can—

Len: Be heard from China? We've all heard that one Sam. (argues with Sam)

Morty: You should be careful Trey.

Trey: Why?

Morty: Knowing Sam, it's probably a device to annoy someone to deaf! Or kill little people like me! O.O Oh SHIT! We gotta burn it!

Trey: _I'm gonna try this thing out._

Len: WOMAN! DO YOU KNOW WHOM YOUR MESSING WITH?! I AM—

Sam: 'I AM THE GREAT TAO LEN!! FEAR ME!' You've said that a lot of times too!

Len: Why I outta—hey. What's that Ainu baka doing?

Sam: (looks) GASPS! Trey! NOO!!

Trey: (shouts in the megaphone… singing?) I'M BRINGING **SMEXY **BACK!!

----One, two…. Wait for it—BOOOOOM!!! There goes the studio… again!---

Morty: HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!

Ayesha Raees: Wow… Trey just blew up the studio with that megaphone!

Trey: Well, whose stupid idea was it to high power a megaphone?!

Sam: HEY! My idea was perfect! The **real **question is: who's the idiot that screamed, 'I'M BRINGING SMEXY BACK'?!

Trey: Ehe ehe. My bad.

Len: Ainu… (EVIL) BAKA!! (chases Trey around)

Trey: I SAID SORRY!

Sam: Looks like we will have to rebuild the studio again. (signs) We better get started! Lets go short stuff! You two as well! (points at Len and Trey)

Len&Trey: Why us?!

Sam: First off! Len was a guest and guests on my show have to clean up their messes! Second, TREY BLEW UP MY STUDIO!!

Len&Trey: Aww man! (starts cleaning) What am I saying? YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!

Sam: HUSH PUPPIES! See you next time folks on the new Tonight Show! I am your host Sam, and I need—

Morty: HELP! MEDICAL, HELP!

Sam: (glares) KISO! (chases him)

Everyone that **was** in the studio: JA NE!!

* * *

DAMN THIS CHAPTER WAS LONG! I hope you guys liked it! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a long time, but I couldn't find the funny to make this. So I hope it wasn't too bad. PLEASE REVIEW!! JA NE! 

P.S: Who should be my next guest? O.o


	5. When Sam thinks too hard, stay away!

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King… LEAVE ME ALONE!

* * *

Sam: Welcome back everyone to the new Tonight Show! I am the host, Sam, and today is April 1, 2007! That's right! April Fool's Day! And since today is a holiday, I had the crew dress up again! Check it out!

Morty: WTF?! Why am I wearing a village idiot costume? And why are you wearing a jester's costume… with that funny hat?! (a hat that has the 4 antennas with bells at the end)

Jester Sam: Because today is April Fool's Day and we have to dress as fools! Besides… I like this hat. BELLS ROCK! (sniff)

Sam's Fan Club: WE LUV IT SAM! WHOO HOO! THE SMEXY ONE!

Village Idiot Morty: O.O Girls scare me… **especially **fan girls.

Jester Sam: Wimp. NOW! Today purses and wallets—

Village Idiot Morty: **Purses and wallets?!**

Jester Sam: --we are going to have another guest from a previous chapter/episode. Please welcome, the King of Gagging Jokes, JACO MCDANIELS! (claps)

Jaco: (nowhere to be seen)

Village Idiot Morty: Where'd he--?

Jaco: April Fool! HAHAHA! I got you good! (wearing a… dress with pretty flowers? O.O)

Village Idiot Morty: V.V You didn't **do **anything! _Why am **I **the village idiot?_

Jester Sam: (snickers) Nice dress.

Preppy Jaco: (preppy voice) I KNOW! I got this dress for, like, $3.00! Great buy, right?

Village Idiot Morty: O.O… shit?

Jester Sam: O.O…

Audience: O.O…

--Someone wants attention… Mr. Cricket thinks so!—

Jester Sam: O.O I have neither opinion nor comeback…

Preppy Jaco: HEY! Do you guys wanna hear an April Fool's joke?

Jester Sam: Let me think about that! (thinks) THIS HURTS!

Village Idiot Morty: Be careful Sam. We don't you to pass out and have the show canceled, then the show will be over, and then Jaco will leave… WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?! DROP DEAD FOR ALL I CARE!!

Jester Sam: ME DIZZY AGAIN! WHEE! (sort of high) Go ahead Jaco! Tell us a joke!

Preppy Jaco: Ok! Here it goes, there is this girl—

Jester Sam: AAAAAH! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!!

--Everyone stares at her… --

Village Idiot Morty: Sam? You ok? O.O

Jester Sam: (calm) I am not crazy, I am perfectly—(berserk) I NEED AN ICE BREAKER MINT!!

Village Idiot Morty: (gasps) You didn't take your pills today did you?!

Jester Sam: (dancing & singing) Do Re Mi FAAAAAAA—(a window breaks) O.O MY BAD! I'll pay for that you can put that under the name: "Len Tao".

Preppy Jaco: O.O What the hell is wrong with her?

Village Idiot Morty: Well, you see, Sam is…**very, **special. When she thinks too hard she gets a little… (looks at Sam only to see her yelling at a rock) more like HIGHLY retarded.

Jester Sam: MORTY! The rock bit me!

Village Idiot Morty: ROCKS DON'T HAVE TEETH YOU IDIOT!

Jester Sam: HEY! Oh yeah? Well your such a POO FACE!

Village Idiot Morty: What are you, 5 year old on crack?

Jester Sam: (sniffs) How'd you know?

Village Idiot Morty: V.V God, please take me now.

Preppy Jaco: Who wants to go shopping?

Jester Sam: AAAAAH! It's the King of Gagging/ Cross Dressing Jokes basturd! (runs in a circle)

Preppy Jaco: LIKE, WHERE?! (runs with Sam)

--Everyone is eating popcorn while watching them run around in circles like a chicken that just lost their head.—

Village Idiot Morty: I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!

Jester Sam: AAAAAA—(runs into a wall) Ouch… X.X

Preppy Jaco: OW! You'll need a face-lift after that!

Village Idiot Morty: Sam's on crack, Jaco went gay, the audience is eating popcorn from who knows where that came from… could this day get anymore BETTER?!

Jester Sam: Ouch… what happened? Where am I?

Preppy Jaco: OMG! Are you ok Sam?

Jester Sam: Is that you God?

Preppy Jaco: She's DEAD! NOOO—(pow) OUCH!

Jester Sam: (hit Jaco with hat) Shut up! You just screamed in my ear! (looks around to see a cat in a tree, a broken window, and much more that it cannot be typed to fit this whole hour show) Man, what the hell happened here?

Village Idiot Morty: You were thinking too hard and went into LALA GAGA GIGGLE CRAZY land! You started running in circle then ran into the wall—which makes me wonder… how do you run into a wall when you're running in a **circle?!**

Jester Sam: …. ZZZZZZ! (was sleeping through the whole explanation)

Village Idiot Morty: HEY! Wake up already!

Preppy Jaco: Now that Sam's asleep, I'm gonna go shopping! TO TA LU! (skipping through the studio)

Village Idiot Morty: (signs) Well that was—

Jester Sam: SO WEIRD!

Village Idiot Morty: WHOA! When'd you wake up?

Jester Sam: Just now! I mean I knew Jaco was gay, but holy! This proves it! Hehehe! (evil smirk)

Village Idiot Morty: O.O _I don't like it when she does that! It always means someone is gonna get hurt… physically!_

Jester Sam: Lets take pictures of Jaco and sell them on E-bay! I'LL BE RICH! And to all my fans, just make an order at—(points at Morty)

Village Idiot Morty: (holds up a sign) (this is not a real email so don't use it)

Jester Sam: Man am I tired! I'll see all you guys later! Hope to see you next episode and don't forget, I am your host Sam, good night everybody!

Village Idiot Morty: JA NE!

Jester Sam: MAN I NEED A BEER!

Audience& Village Idiot Morty: O.O NOOOO!

* * *

Hehehehe! I hope you guys liked that. It wasn't good enough in my opinion. But it's your opinions that count mostly. PLEASE REVIEW and give me your opinion on this chapter! JA NE!

PS. What will happen next? O.o


	6. Rio's Gender Mix Up!

Disclaimer: I don't Shaman King… WILL YOU STOP ASKING?!

Chapter 6: **Rio's Gender Mix Up!**

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Announcer Guy: Lights… Camera… Action!! Now, please welcome your host, the queen of randomness, SAM! And her helper, Morty! 

Sam: HELLO EVERYONE AND WELCOME BACK! Sorry for not updating in like… forever! I hope this will make up for lost ground. Tonight, I will be telling you guys about my other stories (at the end), and having another guest on the show! But for today's guest star, we dressed up again! Check it out

Morty: SAM! (back stage)

Sam: Yes Morty? How can I help you?

Morty: (comes out) WHY THE HECK AM I WEARING JUN'S DRESS?!

In deed! Morty had just come out wearing a dress just like Jun's. He even had Jun's hairstyle! Sam on the other hand was wearing Len's outfit. Sam even had the hairstyle of Len!

Sammy Tao: Because it's part of tonight's show! Just bare with it… (starts laughing) THIS IS TOO HARD! I CAN'T SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE! HAHAHAHA!!

Panda Morty: (Jun has pandas on her dress so that's why we are calling him that) Your so immature! What if Len and Jun saw us? (shivers)

Sammy Tao: They would probably kill us. But no worries! They're not here so just chill.

But what Sam and Morty didn't know was that they had forgotten they were on national television. So back in China…

---------------------------------------------**China**-------------------------------------------

Jun: LEN! We're on tv!

Len: (drinking milk) What? (looks at the tv to see Sam and Morty dressed as them and spits his milk out) What the—those idiots!

Jun: This is weird though, I always thought I was the taller one.

Len: (sweatdrops) Come on Jun. We're going on a trip to Japan. (leaves the room)

Jun: OH! Wait up, Len! (leaves too)

As Len and Jun we're on their way to Japan, Sam and Morty we're beginning the interview!

----------------------------------------------**Japan**---------------------------------------------

Sam: Ok, now please give a big welcome for my guests! Rio the Wooden Swordsman, Iron Maiden Jean, and Lyserg Diethyl! (claps)

Rio: HELLO LADIES! (poses)

Rio Fan Club: WHOO HOO! RIO ROCKS! WE LOVE YOU!

Anti-Rio Fan Club: EW! YOU'RE SO PERVERTED! YOU SUCK!

Lyserg: O.O'' What the heck?

Lyserg Fan Club Boys and Girls: LYSERG! WE LOVE YOU! AHH! (faints)

Jean: GASPS! Some of them are boys! That's sinful! I MUST USE MY HOLY POWERS!

Jean Fan Club: YOU ARE SO HOLY SISTER JEAN! WE LOVE YOU!

Panda Morty: First Fan Girls, then fan boys, NOW FAN NUNS?! This is too weird.

Sammy Tao: I want a gun that shoots out cookies.

--------------------------------**Silence… WHERE'S MR. CRICKET?!**----------------------------

Lyserg, Jean, Rio: O.O

Audience: O.O

Panda Morty: O.O What the hell?

Sammy Tao: OK! Time to get this started! Tonight we are going to help Rio and his problem with genders! Our poor friend here can't tell the difference between a boy and a girl.

Rio: Hi Len! Hi Jun! Jun, have you shrunken or has Len gotten taller?

Panda Morty: I'm Morty! (anime vein)

Sammy Tao: See what I mean? And if we don't cure him, this disease could spread!

Audience: OoO GASPS! WHAT DO WE DO?!

Sammy Tao: I don't know.

Everyone: (anime drop) WHAT THE HECK?!

Sammy Tao: But I'll try my best my way! So, let's begin! Ok Rio, what is Lyserg?

Rio: A girl.

Lyserg: What the bloody hell?!

Sammy Tao: Then what is Jean?

Rio: An elephant.

Jean: WHAT?! WHY YOU UNHOLY CREATURE! I SHOULD SMIGHT YOU!

Sammy Tao: NO SMIGHTING MY GUESTS! No matter how retarded they are! So Rio—

Rio: Jun, will you go out with me? (flirting with… Morty! XD)

Panda Morty: O.O WHAT?! I'm Morty! I just told you that!

Sammy Tao: (snickers) He just asked you out! HAHAHA!!

Rio: Hey Len, will you go out with me?

Sammy Tao: O.O WTF?! GET AWAY FROM ME!

Jean: NOW CAN I SMIGHT HIM?!

Sammy Tao: WOMAN! Calm down!

Panda Morty: _This is totally out of control! I've got to do something! _

Lyserg: (holding Jean back) Please stop Maiden Jean!

Jean: I will get you, Rio!

Rio: Please M-miss! C-calm down.

Audience & Sammy Tao: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Lyserg: (jaw drops) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! SAM, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STOPPING THESE TWO! NOT PROVOKING THEM!

Sammy Tao: But I don't know how—!

Panda Morty: I FEEL PRETTY! OH, SO PRETTY! LOOK AT ME! LA LA LA! (singing?)

Everyone grew very quiet… and then started laughing at him.

Everyone: HAHAHAHA!!

Panda Morty: (blushing) Shut up! Just to let you all know I just saved the show!

Audience: Yeah, true. Very true… HAHAHA! SORRY!

Lyserg: Sorry Morty. (bows)

Rio: Me too. But you do look—

Panda Morty: Don't start.

Jean: For saving the show, I will sing you a holy song. Even though you guys crossed dressed. LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—(windows break, car alarms go off, cats and dogs run away, babies are crying, and the world is ending—I mean eating.) (smiles) There we go!

Panda Morty: Thanks… I guess. (sweatdrops)

Sammy Tao: And for saving the show, you have to clean up!

Panda Morty: WHAT?

Sammy Tao: Just kidding! Let's continue this meaningless interview! (smiles)

Everyone: (sweatdrops)

--------------------------------------**2 hours later**-------------------------------------

Audience: NO! IT'S A GIRL!

Rio: Oh, my bad, Jean.

Jean: SMIGHT! SMIGHT HIM! (has a potato in her hand)

Lyserg: (holding her back) Please stay calm Jean!

Jean: ROAR!!

Lyserg: O.O AH! (hides in a corner)

Panda Morty: This is hopeless. Hey Sam? Can we please go—ARE YOU ASLEEP?!

Sammy Tao: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ… huh? What happened? Shoes?

Panda Morty: T.T'' Wake up!

Sammy Tao: (yawns) OK! So, I guess that's it folks!

Panda Morty: THAT'S IT?!

Sammy Tao: I sleepy! And there's no way Rio can be cured! So what else—

???: KISAMA!!

???: Len, must you be so loud?

Len: JUN! They're dressed just like us!

Jun: WOW! Morty, you actually look pretty good!

Len and Jun had **FINALLY** made it to the studio.

Len: (looking at Sam) I'm still better then you.

Sammy Tao: I'm cuter then you! And you know what? I understand what it's like to be Len.

Audience: HUH?!

Panda Morty: What are you talking about?

Sammy Tao: Well, you know… HAVING TO USE 30 BOTTLES OF HAIR GEL JUST TO GET IT LIKE THIS IS PRETTY TOUGH!

Len: (anime vein) Why you… KISAMA! (brings Kwan Dao out) NO ONE MOCKS **THE** HAIR!

Sammy Tao: O.O AHH! (runs around the studio)

Jean: RUN FOR YOUR HOLY LIFE SAM!

Lyserg: (sweatdrops) Iron Maiden.

Rio: Wait, there's two Lens?!

Everyone: (anime drop) NO YOU IDIOT!

Panda Morty: It was Sam's idea. -.-''

Jun: It's so cute how Lenny shows his affection!

Len: (blushing) J-Jun! Shut up! (catches Sam) I'VE GOT YOU NOW!

Sammy Tao: AHH! Take this! (whips out a vacuum and hits Len)

Len: OW! WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?!

Sammy Tao: I should ask you the same thing when you bring out that Kwan Dao!

Panda Morty: This sure has been… interesting.

Jun: SO CUTE!

Rio: NOW THERE'S TWO JUNS?!

Everyone: (anime drop) NO YOU IDIOT!

Jean: SMIGHT HIM!

Lyserg: Jean please don't—YOU KNOW WHAT?! NEVER MINED! SMIGHT HIM!

Audience: YEAH! (brings out troches and clubs) GET HIM! (they all start chasing Rio)

Rio: HEY! You guys can't beat up girls!

Everyone: Your not a girl!

Rio: YES I AM! (preppy)

Everyone: O.O The hell?

Sammy Tao: EW! Well, that's end this segment of the New Tonight Show! Hope you all had a great time! See ya next time!

Len: YOU WON'T BE ALIVE FOR LONG!

Sammy Tao: OoO OH NOSE! RUN AWAY! Take it away midget!

Panda Morty: JA NE!

* * *

End of Chapter 6 

Sorry for being gone for a long time. I know this chapter probably wasn't that good, but I promise for more fun later! I'm just in a hurry so please forgive me! And about my stories, I will be updating them when I have the right idea and time! So thanks for being patient and hope to see you next chapter! JA NE -


	7. Dr Sam and The Troubled Teen Love

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King. Or the Jay Leno studio. I do own myself (Sam) and the plot.

Chapter 7**: Dr. Sam and The Troubled Teen Love!**

* * *

------------------------------------**At The Studio**-----------------------------------

Sam: Welcome everyone! I am your host, Sam, and tonight is going to be a little different then before my other shows. Today, three of my dearest friends are having a relationship problem. So, I am risking my life to help them out.

Audience: AWW! You rock Sam! LET US HELP TOO!

Sam: Ok, please welcome my guests, Anna, Yoh, and Zeke! (claps)

Audience: WHOO HOO! (claps)

Morty: AHH! Please don't hurt me Anna!

Sam & Audience: O.O

Suddenly, Morty came flying out of the back of the studio into a wall. Zeke, Yoh, and Anna come out to the stage and took a seat. Everyone was silent until…

Anna: Whose stupid idea was this? (glaring) Sam?

Sam: (scared) N-no! Of c-course not! Why would you accuse me?

Anna: Cause your wearing the same suit Dr. Phil wears.

Sam was wearing a new blue tuxedo that had Dr. Phil's name on the front. Not only that, but the suit was two times bigger than her!

Dr. Sam: Oh… I'm expecting a major growth spurt and weight gain in the next 5 min? Hehehe…

Anna: T.T …

Dr. Sam: O.O…

Anna: …

Dr. Sam: …

Audience, Yoh & Zeke: O.o

**--------------------------------------30 minutes later--------------------------------------**

Audience, Morty, Yoh & Zeke: Zzz…zzz…zzz sleepy sleepy sleepy.

Anna: …

Dr. Sam: … pffft HAHAHAHAA!!! (falls over)

Audience, Yoh & Zeke: (wake up) WHOA! O.O? Why are you laughing??

Dr. Sam: (stops laughing) Oh, ahem, I was laughing about something that happened a month ago. ^.^

Anna: …?

Audience: O.o

Yoh & Zeke: O.o

Awkward silence… (cricket noise) HEY! It's Mr. Cricket! Long time, no silence!

Morty: (finally returns from hitting the wall) V.V I'll call the doctor.

Dr. Sam: MORTY! You shouldn't abuse yourself like that! You must learn to love yourself!

Morty: O.o I didn't do it o—

Dr. Sam: (cuts him off) And that is why I am here today! To help the young Shamans of the world find happiness with themselves… no matter the height or temper.

Morty & Anna: HEY!

Dr. Sam: Continuing my quest, I am here to try to get this love triangle under hand. So let's ask the lady first how she feels. How do you feel miss?

Zeke: (sniffs) Well, I feel like Anna ignores me all the time. Even when I do something nice for her she slaps me! (cries) Boo hoo hoo!

Morty: O.O YOU AREN'T A GIRL ZEKE!

Dr. Sam: MORTY! We do not judge on this show! Be nice to Miss Zeke!

Morty: (jaw drops) OoO B-but--!

Yoh: No buts Morty! Be nice to my sister!

Morty: (sweatdrop) YOU TOO?! What is going on here?!

Anna: (slaps Morty) Stop being so loud!

Zeke: LOVE ME ANNA! (hugs Anna)

Anna: (irritated) Get off of me!

Yoh: Wait a minute! (realizes Zeke is a boy) GET AWAY FROM ANNA!

Zeke: Make me! (sticks tongue out)

Yoh: ROAR! (tackles Zeke) Say mercy!!

Zeke: NEVER!! OWW!!! (in a head lock)

Audience: WHOO HOO!! I bet on Yoh!!

Zeke: (get's free and puts Yoh in a head lock) HA HA!

Yoh: OWIE OWIE!!

Audience: Uhh… never mined! My money is on Zeke!

Morty: This is getting out of hand! SAM! Do something!

Dr. Sam: COME ON! MY GRANDMOTHER KNOWS BETTER MOVES THEN THAT AND SHE'S IN HER… ELDERLY YEARS! Grandma I hope you didn't hear that.

Morty: (sweatdrop) SAM! If we don't stop them, the show will be canceled do to too much violence! Then I won't work here anymore and you won't have a job… and you won't be the boss of me… KICK HIS BUTT ZEKE!!

As the crowd, Dr. Sam, and Morty were cheering loudly, the fight between Yoh and Zeke seemed endless! Was it to ever stop?!

Anna: (smacks Yoh and Zeke) You guys are a bunch of idiots. (leaves the studio)

And so Anna stopped the tremendous fight… damn it.

Dr. Sam: AWW! That was a total bust. I wanted more action… OH WELL! ^.^ At least we have solved the problem!

Morty: SOLVED IT?! It looks like you made it worse!

Yoh: WAAH! Anna is even angrier and I forgot to buy food for dinner! (cries)

Zeke: WAAH! ANNA MY LOVE! If I don't receive your love, then what will my hair comb think of this?! (cries)

Audience: O.o

Morty: O.o

Dr. Sam: (sniffs) It's sad to be neglected by your own comb. (pats Zeke's back)

Morty: (sweatdrop) Not you too!

Dr. Sam: WELL! That's all we have for now! Please tune in next time and the fun will never end! See ya next time on the New Tonight Show! Take it away Morty!

Morty: JA NE!

* * *

NOTE: To all my readers, I am completely sorry for not updating in so long. I hope you will be reading this, and if so, let me how I am doing because since I have been gone I'm trying to get back into the mojo of writing this story. Review and let me know what you thought. Just started doing stories, so this isn't my best work… just wait for me to get warmed up! JA NE!


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